If you’ve ever lent money to family or friends in Nigeria, you know it’s never just about the money. It’s a test of trust, guilt, and patience. Saying “no” can make you look wicked. Saying “yes” can empty your pocket.
After two decades of watching loans turn into quarrels, I’ve collected stories and lessons that can save both your finances and your relationships.
WHEN "NEXT WEEK" MEANS FOREVER
Back in 2020, my cousin came begging. His landlord was threatening eviction, his wife was pregnant, and he just needed fifty thousand naira “for two weeks.” He swore on Psalm 23 and his life to repay the loan.
I gave him the money. Six months later, no refund. Every time I asked, he said, “Sis, relax, God will provide.” At that point I realized, in his mind, I was the God.
Lesson: Don’t take verbal promises at face value. Ask: where exactly will repayment come from? If the source is unclear, repayment is already shaky.
THE "SMALL MONEY" EXCUSE
A friend, Funke, once asked for twenty thousand. I hesitated. She laughed: “A whole lawyer like you, holding twenty k like it’s gold?” I gave her the money. A week later, I saw her Facebook photos in aso-ebi, dancing at a wedding. Till today, no refund. Her excuse? “You are too rich to be chasing twenty k.”
Lesson: When people downplay the amount, they’ve already decided not to return it. Even “small” money adds up.
LENDING MONEY IN CHURCH
In 2021, a church member, borrowed money “for business.” I thought: a deacon can’t deceive me. I found out later that he used the money to buy a generator. Not for business, but for watching Arsenal matches.
When repayment time came, he started avoiding me during offering. By the second Sunday, he came for a different service.
Lesson: Don’t confuse moral standing with financial discipline. A holy title is not collateral.
CALL IT A GIFT, NOT A LOAN
My younger cousin once asked for ten thousand naira. I told him, “Let’s call it a gift.” He was shocked. I explained: “If I call it a loan, we will fight. If I call it a gift, I’ll have peace.”
Lesson: Only lend what you can afford to lose. In fact, treat it as a gift. That way, if repayment never comes, you still keep your sanity.
EXCUSES NIGERIANS LOVE
Over the years, I’ve heard them all:
“My phone was stolen, I couldn’t reach you.”
“I thought I sent it, let me check my app.”
“My wife’s mother just died.” (Some women have died multiple times this way.)
“The money is tied down in business.”
“The problem is spiritual.”
Lesson: Excuses are red flags. A borrower who cannot even communicate repayment clearly is unlikely to pay.
THE SILENT DEBTOR
Some people don’t even bother with excuses. At first, they answer your calls. Later, their line is always “switched off.” Finally, they block you on WhatsApp. Then you see them posting selfies from their beach trips.
I once saw a friend posting shawarma pictures in Lekki with the caption: “Living my best life.” My money was inside that shawarma.
Lesson: If you have to chase repayment, you’ve already lost control of your money. Silence is its own default.
HOW TO PROTECT YOUR POCKET
Here’s my personal rulebook:
1. Never lend more than you can dash. If losing it will destabilize you, don’t give it.
2. Put it in writing. Even a text can create accountability.
3. Agree on repayment terms. Be clear on date and method.
4. Separate love from money. Care for your people, but guard your account.
5. Learn to say no. Saying no today can preserve the relationship tomorrow.
WHY WE KEEP FALLING FOR IT
So why do we keep lending? The simple answer is Guilt. Borrowers remind you of when they gave you biscuit in 1995 or when you drank Fanta in their house. Emotional blackmail is common:
“So you cannot help your blood?”
“After God, na you.”
“You want me to die?”
But remember this: being broke together does not build love. Lending recklessly weakens both sides.
SOMETIMES, LAUGHTER IS YOUR ONLY INTEREST
One day, my cousin asked for fifty thousand. I told him I didn’t have. He eyed my shoes. “But you’re wearing Italian leather.”
I replied: “Yes, and if I give you money, I’ll sell these shoes.” He didn’t laugh. But I did. Sometimes laughter is the only interest you’ll ever earn on a Nigerian loan.
FINALLY
Lending money to family and friends in Nigeria is like pouring water into a basket, you may never see it again. Be generous when you can, but protect yourself.
ASK THREE QUESTIONS BEFORE LENDING:
- Can I afford to lose this money?
- Does the borrower have a clear repayment plan?
- Will this loan damage our relationship if it goes wrong?
Sometimes the kindest answer is “no.” Other times, it’s to give freely without expecting a refund. True wisdom is knowing which option protects both your money and your relationships. Because at the end of the day, you don’t want your hard-earned naira sponsoring someone’s Instagram caption: “Soft life, no stress.” While you languish in misery.
Tell me your money-lending horror stories, if you have any.
I share personal money lessons so you can learn from my mistakes.
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